


Zemnian for Beginners

by chaya



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15040718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaya/pseuds/chaya
Summary: Caleb confesses to Mollymauk before he's ready to receive any kind of judgment. Molly works with Nott to minimize the damage.





	Zemnian for Beginners

When Caleb finally tells his story, Mollymauk’s reaction seems to surprise Caleb.

“It explains a lot,” Molly says after a long pause, and Caleb stares, baffled, a little horrified, looking for something in Molly that isn’t there. What did Caleb expect? Disgust? Derision? He had just been a boy, and his entire adolescence had been dedicated to building trust in a man that tortured and used him. Mollymauk begins to reach out to touch Caleb’s shoulder, and that turns out to be a mistake. Caleb flinches away - _not ready for acceptance, yet,_ something in Molly’s mind says - and gets to his feet.

“It explains why I’m…” Caleb gestures something in a quick motion, like something to be pushed away. Mollymauk forces himself to hold still and just look up at Caleb, trying to feel out how to play this. Caleb feels guilty. He feels responsible. He can’t deal with other people not feeling the same.

“I only remember the last few years of my life,” Mollymauk says slowly, “but I’ve seen enough of the Empire to believe that there are men out there… targeting children like they targeted you. That there are systems in place to isolate a young child from what they knew, and…”

Caleb makes a horrible choking noise and Molly realizes he is crying. Molly has only seen four or five complete panic attacks out of this man, but this is definitely one of them, and before Molly can finish getting out of his seat to hold the other man, he’s left the room.

**

**_Did Caleb tell you about his childhood? You can reply to this message._ **

Molly sits up in bed and inhales sharply. He’s still getting used to that somewhat shrill voice in his head.

But, he’s grateful for it. He needs help with this.

**_He did. I tried to empathize and he left. Is he alright? Are you with him?_ **

A pause. **_He’s going to be okay. I don’t think he can get through that confession again. Or talking about it._**

_**You know him better. Do we pretend he didn’t say anything?** _

**_For now, yes._ **

**

When money gets lean, they pare down to two rooms for the team, broken down the gender line. Fjord sleeps through anything and Molly learns to stroke Caleb’s hair through the nightmares.

His talking is never very loud. Always mumbled. Usually Zemnian.

“Bitte lass mich sie holen,” he says one night, clear and loud as if he were awake, but in the flat and toneless voice of the sleeping. It startles Molly and when he comes over to try to calm Caleb through it, the young man’s body is rigid and soaked with sweat.

**

“Nott,” Molly says one afternoon, when they both happen to be taking up the rear behind the cart. Nott looks up and frowns at him. “You’d tell me if there were something more I could be doing.”

“Huh?” she says, but after a beat she looks ahead, toward the shabby looking man bent over his seat in the cart. He’s copying a spell into his book, completely entranced in the work. “He’s not as bad as he was,” she says finally.

“He’s carrying too much.”

“I think so too.” She turns her head away and seems to mull it over. “He didn’t believe me when I told him. And I did. I still do. But I don’t think he can bear to talk about it with anyone. It’s like he’s about to break apart.”

“What’s he afraid of?”

“I don’t know. But I know he’s only told people when he’s felt he had to… except for you. He said you asked him and didn’t force anything. And he told you.”

 _And that means something,_ she doesn’t say. But Molly hears it very clearly.

**

In the remains of the hideout, Molly finds a cache of scrolls. He scans them quickly, using what arcane knowledge he has of spells that work on paper like this… it’s vague but it’s enough. He hands four over to Caleb and says he hopes they’re useful.

The two fire-related spells are quietly sold in the next town.

**

There are phrase books in most big cities. They’re small, simple books.

**

“Es tut mir Leid,” Caleb whispers one night, hands clutched tightly around nothing.

Molly swallows and forces his voice to cooperate. “Ich vergebe dir.”

 

 

_1\. please let me get them_  
_2\. I’m sorry_  
_3\. I forgive you_


End file.
